Monthly Archives: March 2013
Wear This (Oh God! NOT That!) On Your First Date
Those happy couples always get me. This is especially true when I’m working retail and the giddy beyond fucking belief duos wander in together holding hands. The difference this time was that I recognized her. Sometimes this who-has-a-memory-like-that? gift is a curse (like when I recognize students from years ago when they are completely inebriated) […]
Velcro Girl
Robyn met Curt the old fashioned way—he saw her profile, emailed her, asked her out, and promptly seduced her into bed with him. According to Robyn, things were moving along swimmingly. They had “amazing” chemistry, he was a good listener, and he was sufficiently attentive. She liked it that he texted her a couple of […]
Midlife Dating Hell: Take Two
Well, the last one didn’t work at all, so here is a revised copy of my most recent version of my online dating profile. Hopefully it will garner more of a response than the last one. SOLAR POWERED This California girl couldn’t be happier in Denver where we are just that much closer to the […]
Three Encounters of the Oh-So-Wrong Kind
Close-Call #1 As he reaches over to shake my hand he oozes flirtatiousness, “Hi, my name is Jack.” I can tell that my date, Dan, isn’t really paying attention to our exchange so I say, “Yes. I know. We’ve met before—just not in person.” It’s a warm night in Cherry Creek, Colorado and our lively […]
Six Impossible Thoughts a Day: A Fairytale
Once upon a time, there was this flashy blonde who was stuck somewhere between being a grown-up and being a girl. She appeared grown-up on the outside—at times you could even say she looked a bit haggard—but it was her insides that wouldn’t fully cooperate. These “insides” included her: Soul Brainpower Pizzazz Drive Creativity Will […]
Wasting the Pretty
While it’s true that I find He’s Just Not That Into You extremely irritating in places, it does have some helpful reminders for times when you’re feeling weak and making bad decisions about who you should spend your precious time and energy on. I tried to take the oath–”never waste your pretty”–to heart and avoid giving another […]
Faith in Love
I did not know them as a couple. Deb and I played poker together on nights when Roy had to work as a bouncer at the strip club. Later, after Deb established her reputation as a strong card player, she became a part-time dealer for the company hosting the nightly tournaments at the bar down […]
Fantasizing Lately
Drag queens sure know how to get me giddy. I love their over-the-top sequin-adorned clothes, stilettos that make them taller than the Jolly Green Giant, and wigs that poof out enough to add another six inches or so to their towering frame. It never fails to glimpse a touch of lipstick on their teeth, glitter […]
Midlife Hell: Oh, What To Do About My Online Dating Profile?
I’m afraid it’s come to that time again–time to put my sorry ass back onto the Internet and “wrastle me up some men”. The good news is that I’ve hired a photographer to get my pic up to par, but I desperately need help with my profile introduction. I know, I know, I’m a writer–this […]
Follow the Yellow Brick Rules: Day 1
Before I embark on a 20 mile bike ride around the city on my mountain bike, I diligently apply the Rules required lip gloss and smile to the mirror: You look beautiful. This is the attitude I choose to embrace despite the odd combination of Lancome‘s Sweet Cherry Surprise and spandex shorts with shortie socks. […]
